So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
