try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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