paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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