All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
