she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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