i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's