Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis