I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?