If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.