The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.