they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
