so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
