do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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