Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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