I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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