Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
4 words: hood of his car
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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