I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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