How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
