Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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