do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am midnight drunk by noon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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