she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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