tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
