Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
