Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
