I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
