nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
