she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
