im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
