Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
