when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I forget how to act sober
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
