Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
