3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize