3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
