I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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