Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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