Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
