it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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