His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
