you guys were way drunker than both of me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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