A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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