When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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