I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
