Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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