On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
