You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
