There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
