The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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