I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's rum buckets o'clock
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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