Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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