I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
