So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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