I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
