How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
