so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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