If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
