i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
