With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize