Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
