I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
