I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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