Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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