We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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