I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're like the curious george of whores
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
