if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
