We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
