we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
