you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
