there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
